WHY MEN ARE HAPPIER THAN WOMEN
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Same work, more pay.
Wedding dress $5000. Tuxedo rental - $100.
One mood all the time.
A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness,
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You can do your Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier!
A LETTER FROM POOR GRANDMA ... (this is really funny!)
"The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a Honk If You Love Jesus bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put in on my bumper.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.
I found that LOTS of people love Jesus. Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and when he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'for the love of God, GO! GO!' What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus.
Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love. There must have been a man from Queensland back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach ...
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing, why even he was enjoying this religious experience.
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection.
I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and I gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!"
Church Bulletin Bloopers
Here is a collection of humorous church bulletin bloopers (typographical errors) ...
- Evening massage - 6 p.m.
- Don't let worry kill you. Let the church help.
- Thursday night ... pot luck supper. Prayer and medication will follow.
- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church.
- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery down stairs.
- Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
- The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
- At the evening service, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
- The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, ‘Break Forth Into Joy."
- The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who laboured the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
- This morning’s sermon: “Jesus walks on the water”. Tonight’s sermon: “Where is Jesus?”
- During this morning’s meeting, be sure to smile and say hell to someone new.
- Ladies, don’t forget our rummage sale. Here’s a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping. Bring your husband along.
A TYPICAL BBQ PERCEPTION
We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
Here comes the important part:
(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL .
More routine....
(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.
Important again:
(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine....
(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:
(10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off'. And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women ... "
[Source Unknown]
"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person's strength." Prov 17:22. NLT
